the best marriage advice

The best marriage advice I ever got was long before I was ever married. 

An elder from my church could see that I really, really, really liked this Joshua Bennett kid. So he said, 

"Make a list of all his faults. 

I mean, every single one."

Really? Does that sound like a good idea for building a strong relationship?

"Then go down that list, one item at a time.

Choose to accept each of those faults. If you come to one that you can't accept, then don't marry him. But if you make it through the list, then marry him and enjoy it. ... Later, when you're married and he has the same faults and they're driving you up a wall, you can preserve your sanity by knowing that you've already accepted that about him and it's okay." 

This sounded really strange to me, but it was immensely helpful. 

The same things that bugged me about Joshua before we got married are the same flaws that he still has to this day; apparently saying your vows does not instantly perfect a person. But I've chosen to accept and love and support him---so I can get on to really enjoying him :)

Eight years into this marriage and I'm happier than ever---not because I married a perfect man (he's really great! but he's not perfect), but because I chose to accept the man I married. 

Good advice, Stan. Thanks. 

a modern terror of ancient suffering

>> a poem by Ernesto Cardenal, an interpretation of the biblical Psalm 22, of David, from Cardenal's "Salmos de este momento en el mundo" (click here to hear this piece read). An English translation follows.
 

image by Armin Lotfi

SALMO 21 (22)

Dios mío Dios mío ¿por qué me has abandonado? 
Soy una caricatura de hombre
el desprecio del pueblo 
Se burlan de mí en todos los periódicos
Me rodean los tanques blindados 
estoy apuntado por las ametralladoras 
y cercado de alambradas
las alambradas electrizadas
Todo el día me pasan lista 
Me tatuaron un número
Me han fotografiado entre las alambradas
y se pueden contar como en una radiografía todos mis huesos
Me han quitado toda identificación
Me han llevado desnudo a la cámara de gas 
y se repartieron mis ropas y mis zapatos 
Grito pidiendo morfina y nadie me oye
grito con la camisa de fuerza
grito toda la noche en el asilo de enfermos mentales 
en la sala de enfermos incurables
en el ala de enfermos contagiosos 
en el asilo de ancianos
agonizo bañado de sudor en la clínica del psiquiatra 
me ahogo en la cámara de oxígeno
lloro en la estación de policía
en el patio del presidio 
en la cámara de torturas
en el orfelinato
estoy contaminado de radioactividad
y nadie se me acerca para no contagiarse
Pero yo podré hablar de ti a mis hermanos 
Te ensalzaré en la reunión de nuestro pueblo 
Resonarán mis himnos en medio de un gran pueblo 
Los pobres tendrán un banquete
Nuestro pueblo celebrará una gran fiesta 
El pueblo nuevo que va a nacer.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

PSALM 21 (22) 

My God my God, why have you abandoned me?
I am a caricature of a person
despised by the people
They sneer at me in all the newspapers
Tanks surround me
machine guns take aim at me
barbed wire, loaded with electricity, imprisons me
Every day I am being called up
I am tattooed with a number
They photographed me behind the gates
and my bones can be counted like on an X-ray
All identification has been removed from me
Naked they pushed me into the gas chamber
and my clothes and shoes they have shared among themselves
I cry for morphine and no one hears me
I cry with the straitjacket
I cry every night in the mental hospital
in the ward for incurable patients
in the quarantine wing
in the asylum of the elderly
I agonize, covered in sweat, in the psychiatric clinic
I suffocate with the oxygen tank
I cry at the police station
in the prison courtyard
in the torture chamber
in the orphanage
I am contaminated with radioactivity
and no one comes near me, for fear of infection
But I will speak of you to my brothers
You I will praise at our public meetings
My hymns will be sung in large crowds
The poor will hold a banquet
Our people -- the people yet to be born -- 
will rejoice in a great feast.

 

I like this poem mainly for 2 reasons

1. Through its contemporization it gives me deeper insight into the sufferings of David and of Christ; it makes me to feel a modern terror of ancient suffering.

2. It draws a line, thick and intolerable, between the suffering Christ and the oppressed and forgotten of today.

It 100% succeeds as a poem. 

Why I Don't Drink Alcohol

Sparkling apple juice for me, please! 

In brief, here are 5 reasons why I'm a very happy teetotaler.

1. The taste. Ewww.

People say that it's an acquired taste, but I don't understand why one would want to acquire it. If you want to acquire the taste of something, try Brussels sprouts or mustard greens.
 

2. Math

Alcohol has proven itself a capable instrument for destruction. 1 in 9 Americans has a problem controlling their consumption, and 30% of Americans have reported experiencing an alcohol disorder at one point in their lives (1). That is TENS OF MILLIONS of people.

From brain damage to liver disease, it causes over $2.5billion in medical costs each year in this country (25-40% of patients in general hospital beds are there for alcohol-related complications; 2). It results in 2.5 million deaths every year worldwide (3).This year, almost 10000 human beings will be killed in alcohol-related motor vehicles accidents in the US (based on 2011 data, 4). Many people who are afraid of flying or who get sick at the thought of shark attacks still drink alcohol, even though it is, respectively, 860x and 380000x more likely to kill them (but I guess being mangled by a shark isn't as socially acceptable as drinking). Alcohol brings a lot of trouble and I don't want to participate in it.
 

3. Influence

I'm not the president of anything and you won't find my picture in a celebrity magazine, but like everyone I have influence in the world, influence on the people around me. Even if I am a person who can drink moderately and responsibly, my example could lead others to drink what they shouldn't when they shouldn't. But why should my life be restricted by the weaknesses of others? "

Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat [drink], you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died." (Romans 14:15,17) In other words, my Christianity bids me to lay down my rights for the sake of protecting others. 
 

4. The need for sobriety

People argue about if alcohol is absolutely forbidden by God in the Scriptures, but one thing cannot be argued: God detests drunkenness. (Isaiah 5:11-12, 22; 22:13; 56:12; Hosea 7:14, etc.)

There are a lot of things in the world that can harm us spiritually, making us unfit for the life God designed, and drunkenness is definitely among them. This is why the Scriptures repeatedly exhort believers to be sober. (Romans 12:3; 1 Thessalonians 5:5-8; 1 Peter 1:13, 5:8) And the closer we come to the close of earth's history, the more important sobriety is.
 

5. Sensibilities of the spirit

One of the most commonly expressed desires among Christian people is to hear from God more often and more clearly. Many times we say it sort of complainingly, as if God is not doing His honest part. But we who utter the complaint are the same ones who dull our spiritual senses with busyness, entertainment, gluttony, and...alcohol. God doesn't speak to us through our shampoo bottles or our glove compartments.

He speaks to us through our minds.

So whatever we do to keep our minds clear and reasoned tends toward spiritual health and a close connection with the speaking God. Conversely, whatever clouds our minds also dulls our spiritual senses and makes it harder for us to hear the voice of God. 

Clear mind, clear life. 

Who has woe? Who has sorrow?Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine...In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights and your mind imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging. "They hit me," you will say, "but I'm not hurt! They beat me, but I don't feel it! When will I wake up so I can find another drink?" // proverbs 23:29-35
The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you can pray. // 1 peter 4:7 

I was made for this

Were some of us made for the desert and some for the trees? Some for the bluffs and some for the sea? Some for the warmth at the earth's midline? Some for the fragrant covering of pine? Some for the clear waters, some for the ice? Some for the corn fields and some for the rice? Then I --- I was made for this:

Joshua on Eagle Creek Trail, Oregon