your words shaping you





There is a weird psychological barrier that is crossed when you say something out loud.



When you're really ashamed of something, speaking it to another person does an amazing thing. Somehow by saying it, by articulating these thoughts into vocalic and consonantal sounds that form into psychosocial symbols of greater realities, it changes things. It gets the darkness out of the insides and into the light, where you can be a little more distanced, a little more safe from it, with a little more perspective.

On the other hand, if there's a dangerous thought floating around in your mind, sometimes saying it out loud can be the worst thing ever. The words coming out of your mouth gives shape to that danger and makes it real. Reciprocal influence? You shaping your words and your words shaping you.

in a box with a small package of explosives



There was a while when I stopped saying a prayer before eating. I did this because it seemed lame. Rote. Meaningless. Why again am I stopping to ask God to bless this food? Didn't He already bless it? He brought it to me and that seems like the most important blessing when you're talking about food. So I started just eating my food right when I got it, which fit in very well with my usually ravenous desire for food and penchant for express self-gratification.

God grew the wheat and sent it in loaf form to me. 

Now I started again saying that prayer before food (at least some of the time) because I came to see it more as a moment to recognize God, a pause in the chaos to have some gratitude and remember Him. I guess I say this because I'm rethinking my approach to my devotional habits. I was pretty structured there for a while and then the last two weeks I just took a laissez-faire approach and let come what would come. And now it's back to the drawing board. 

I know that I need to read the Word and to pray and to serve and to be in community. But that's all. Everything else I have put in a box with a small package of explosives. I'm ready to try something new.